


Shells

by feverbeats



Series: Bulletproof [4]
Category: RocknRolla (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-23
Updated: 2011-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His life up until this point has been one long series of the same thing: Jenny Cole doing stupid things to her body in the hope that it'll explode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shells

Johnny is naked. Nothing weird there, nothing out of the ordinary, just another night in rockstar Johnny Quid's fantastic life. No one is fucking him or hitting him, though, so that's a change.

He flips open his cell phone and thumbs through his contacts. Archy isn't in there, for the obvious reason that Johnny's friends are dirty little thieves who like to get their hands on his things, so he has to keep what's important in his head.

 _Call Archy or don't, stop mucking about_. He's not afraid of anything (not that he'd tell you about), but he can't seem to make himself call. The trouble, of course, is what to say. Archy's old-fashioned, so maybe Johnny could give him a nice shock. The trouble comes in the fact that he doesn't always want to shock Archy. Not quite always. He'll keep that in his head, too.

See, tomorrow he's going under the knife. Not for the first time, certainly, but for once they're not trying to repair damage. No, Johnny can actually see it as the reverse, although he's never cared to characterize it that way.

That's right, slicing and dicing his chest until it appeals to him.

Because it's not just about what people see when they look at him. If it were, he'd just walk around shirtless _all_ the time, flashing his tits. No, it's about the fact that there's still one part of him he's not comfortable with, and Johnny _hates_ being uncomfortable with himself.

But _mostly_ he walks around shirtless, flashing his tits.

He used to let people take his clothes off all the time, starting when he turned fourteen and his breasts really started being noticeable.

The first time was with one of Lenny's security force, out behind the house. The man, about three times Johnny's size, pressed him up against the brick wall and took his clothes off. Johnny's school blouse ripped and his bra ripped and somehow it all felt like his fault, probably because it was his idea.

No one at school (a very, very expensive school for young ladies) wanted to take his clothes off, so he took them off himself. It took a significant portion of Lenny's power and influence to keep them from expelling him.

Oh yeah, and then there's Lenny.

Johnny flips the phone in his hand and doesn't think about it. Instead, he thinks about the time Lenny sent Archy to pick him up from school and all his clothes were torn again and Archy shook his head so _seriously_. Archy was always bad at hiding smiles, though.

He wonders what Archy would say if he called now. He'd probably try to say the right thing, choosing his words carefully the way he started doing the first time Johnny _really_ got him to listen.

Johnny isn't sure what he is to Archy, but he's quite certain the answer will never be "boyfriend" or even "fucktoy." But Archy's hand will probably always have a scar from where Johnny bit him once when Archy was trying to carry out Lenny's orders that Johnny be forced to wear a dress when he was going to a fancy dinner when he was fourteen.

He thinks about years spent putting everything but dresses on his body, and everything bar nothing into it. He wore a skin-tight neon green leopard-print tank-top to his first rave, showing off his tits to everyone who would grab them. His hair was long and curly and multi-colored, and it got in his eyes when he danced. He lost the shirt by the end of the evening.

His life up until this point has been one long series of the same thing: Jenny Cole doing stupid things to her body in the hope that it'll explode.

Well, now this body is about to be his, because he tried to make it his with his bare skim brimming with confidence, but even Johnny Quid, rocknrolla, couldn't manage that without a little help.

Johnny wonders idly what his band will say. He hasn't told them why he's taking a few weeks off ("At _least_ a month," Mickey told him furiously), because honestly, he's never been that close with them. Besides, they'll notice. He's fucked around with them enough times, and he probably will again. He doesn't really like to think about that. They're fucked-up, but somehow they're never quite fucked-up like he is.

Pete, very horribly, is fucked-up exactly like Johnny is, although Johnny would sooner jump in front of a train than tell him so. Pete will be giving Johnny a hand after the surgery, and probably accidentally giving him infections.

Johnny kicks his feet up on the bed and stares at them. He's not allowed to abuse substances before the surgery, but he's sure alcohol doesn't count. He hasn't had enough to open the phone again, though.

He considers remembering Archy's number, but he thinks better of it. Let it be a surprise next time they see each other. Johnny will make an effort to keep himself mostly in one piece till then.


End file.
